.png)
Speak For Change With Thomas Sage Pedersen
Welcome to Speak for Change with Thomas Sage Pedersen! Our mission is to inspire and promote positive and lasting change in our local & global communities.
Speak For Change With Thomas Sage Pedersen
Ep.145The Transformative Power of Self-Love: From Personal Growth to Social Change with Thomas Sage Pedersen
What if achieving your ideal physical self still leaves you feeling unworthy?
In this heartfelt episode of Speak for Change, I uncover the transformative power of self-love through personal anecdotes and meaningful discussions.
Join me, Thomas Sage Pedersen, as I share my journey from struggling with body weight to realizing that societal pressures often promote self-hatred as a catalyst for change. We’ll explore how practicing self-love and acceptance can lead to a truly fulfilling life while diving into the concept of manifestation and the necessity of feeling worthy from within to achieve our goals.
We’ll also delve into the balance of critique and acceptance, drawing lessons from the civil rights movement to inform modern activism. Learn why love, empathy, and strategic action are more powerful than immediate confrontation.
We discuss pressing issues like affordable housing, urging activists to ground their movements in genuine values rather than capitalist self-interest. Finally, I'll encourage you to release rigid narratives and embrace gratitude, love, respect, and decency, allowing new insights and creative solutions to flourish. Tune in and uncover the magic of self-love and transformative conversations.
Creating positive and lasting change in people's lives with music!
Cabrillo Festival of Contemporary Music
Transform the orchestral experience for artists & audiences by building a vibrant community &more
Ignite Nexus
Consulting, life & executive coaching for organizations & individuals. Start the journey today!
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
Hi, I'm your host, thomas Sage Pedersen, and welcome to Speak for Change podcast, where we explore positive and lasting change in all areas of life. Welcome to Speak for Change podcast. I'm your host, thomas H Pedersen. Hey everyone. Yeah, so today is a solo podcast. It's been a while since I've done one of these and I like doing these.
Speaker 1:This is how this podcast originally started. If I'm being honest for people who don't know the history, I started this podcast under a different name, called String and Chair Podcast, due to a personal story that and it was just me for the beginning. It was just me speaking in kind, of a way to practice motivational speaking, and when I had my first guest on is when everything changed. I realized what I was missing. In the moment I was having this conversation, I just realized how beautiful this was, how much I was learning, how much I was being able to really get to understand people, and the wisdom that came out of me and came out of our guests were just transformative, and I really truly mean that. Transformative. Conversations can be transformative. They are transformative. Conversations can be transformative. They are transformative. When you are having a conversation with somebody, there is a potential for transformation to happen new ideas, clarity, reflections. We are community creatures, we are commune-based, and so when we start to really own that, magic happens. Real know, real magic success, you know, growth, evolution, I believe, happens. So when? So I wanted to start this off with a story.
Speaker 1:So when I was about maybe 25 years old, I was having dinner or breakfast with my mom and my brother and my sister when a photo they showed me a photo of another time. We were having dinner in the same place, we were in this parking lot and I was like throwing a raisin or something into my sister's mouth from a distance, you know, seeing if she could catch it in her mouth. And I looked at myself and I was like who is that? A genuine feeling of who is that? Now, for some context, I have struggled with body weight issues most of my life, the vast majority of my life, I would say, ever since I was a young person, you know, even middle school, to now. Really, I mean, it's something that you never really get over, I guess. But I realized in that moment that I had been my ideal body weight, my ideal physical self. But internally I still saw somebody who was dangerously overweight and not attractive at all. But when I look back at this picture at 25, I was looking back at a picture of me when I was maybe 21, 19 probably I realized that I never.
Speaker 1:I did not recognize myself in that moment, that 19-year-old self. I did not recognize the growth I had made. I was wearing size medium, I was thin and I didn't even know I was thin. Because there's something about the process of losing weight that we all are trained in and that process is you kind of hate yourself to change. You know you hurt, you are disgusted with yourself, so you force yourself to change. Now that may work physically, in the real world it worked.
Speaker 1:I got to the ideal body weight, but I couldn't even recognize who I was right. I didn't even recognize that I had even gotten there, because the whole time I was just constantly fixating on what needed to be improved, what needed to be fixed, what needed to be fixed, what needed to be this, what needed to be tweaked, what needed to be. You know, oh, that part of my body is not perfect. That part of my body is not perfect, but I never practiced self-love. I never practiced actually learning to love what I saw in front of me in that moment, and that particular phrase is a skill that you need to practice if you actually want to live a fulfilling life for one right being able to practice loving yourself, loving the situation you are in or at least accepting it in the moment. Because these things like weight loss and a lot of things in our society take time and as much as we want to rush that or try to figure out the cheat code to make it happen faster, the reality is like when things really stick, it's because we have practiced them over time and to the point where they're habitual. It's because we have practiced them over time and to the point where they're habitual. And so in this case, I did lose a lot of weight and I didn't even know it. And I did know it on a logical level, but I didn't feel it or see it or understand it or really feel confident in my own body. So practicing self-love had to become. At that moment, when I was 25, when I was looking back at this picture, I realized that I had to start practicing self-love, no matter what I wanted to be changed. Sure, I want to lose weight, sure I want to do all these things, but if I do that while hating myself. I'm practicing hating myself Right, and I think this goes a lot.
Speaker 1:This connects to a lot of different things interconnectedly, like my mind goes to even what we call manifestation or what you call getting the lifestyle you want to get. You have to be able to feel what that feels like in the moment for it to actually become a reality. And that's kind of like the fake it till you make it mentality a little bit. A little bit. It's more of an energetic. It's not like I'm telling you to wear your, wear the clothes that you want to wear, drive the cars you want to drive and then suddenly you're going to be a rich person or whatever you want, whatever your goals are. It's more like feeling like you are worth, that Feeling like you are, you have value in that, that you can be that that you, that you are that internally, not externally, but internally, knowing your worth internally. And then this also connects with you know, I've been going through a lot of political discourse in the past few days and when I look at the state of our country and I look at the state of the world it is, it can be daunting, right.
Speaker 1:I, I see it and I'm like man, this seems totally out of my control, seems like, yeah, okay, we're. We're stuck between not great candidates for president. We're getting closer to candidates with Joe Biden stepping down. I'm sure Kamala Harris is a great candidate, but also she has a lot of things that I think a lot of people don't like either, with her record on policing as an attorney general general. So when we start to see our politics and we're constantly looking for what needs to be fixed, that's not necessarily wrong. But if we're going to do that, we also have to incorporate the learning to accept and even love what is happening right now and I know that's a lot to ask because there's a lot of fucked up shit happening in this world. But learning to accept the reality of what is happening, learning to see the reality, practicing acceptance, see the reality, practicing acceptance, practicing almost love and gratitude of what is happening, allows you to be in that energetic field and practice a skill. So when things do change in our society, we can see the change, we can accept the change, we can embrace the change.
Speaker 1:I think transformation, like true transformation, internal and external, can only happen with love, and I want you to really meditate on the word love. I don't mean romantic love. I mean the energetics behind love, like how you feel about your family, your close friends, like people you really care about, and, like you know, there's a reason why Greeks spelled out three different types of love, because love is a complicated word, but it's an energy, it's something that is stronger than I don't know our conscious mind can really understand. It kind of defies logic sometimes. But sitting within that energy of acceptance and gratitude and meditating on this idea of loving who you are right now and what is going on right now, allows us to really become a fertile, creative space for emergence, for things to come out of us that maybe we weren't expecting, that we didn't expect to come out. Ideas start to flow from that space. Instead of a space of constant scarcity, a space of fear, a space of pain, a space of hatred, we start to actually create from a space of acceptance, of gratitude, of love, seeing changes that need to be made to help us evolve into a different world, to help us evolve into a different society, a society we are proud of. That we actually find value in. Find value in Not just getting by or not just constantly seeing what's wrong, because that is a skill set.
Speaker 1:Okay, I think I want my listeners to really think about that, that looking for constantly critiquing and looking for what is wrong is a pattern, a mental pattern and a mindset, but it is also a skill set. It's a behavioral skill, just like learning how to live in gratitude and love and acceptance is a skill. And if we are moving and we haven't even touched the skill of learning how to accept there's never how are we going to incorporate that skill when we actually reach our so-called goal or our so-called ideal situation? We won't know how to react to that, right, we won't know how to connect with it because we'll constantly be critiquing it.
Speaker 1:And the problem with constantly critiquing is that it's an illusion. Right, it's an illusion based on insecurity and fear and thinking that we know everything. It's perfectionism. Perfectionism is a complete illusion. It's a mental health disorder, you know, of sorts. I mean, I don't think it's diagnosed. You can't be like oh, I'm a diagnosed perfectionist. Maybe I'm not a psychologist, right, I'm not a certified, don't have my MBA in psychology or anything like that.
Speaker 1:But I know that being a perfectionist roots from insecurity and when we are in a space where we are expecting something, that is just an illusion. It's a slippery slope. The world may mirror our insecurities. You know, we really are putting out the energetic feeling of insecurity Instead of feeling confident that we can manage anything that comes our way. I think confidence comes from experience, and I think America and the world has a lot of experience with conflict with human beings. That's what history is all about, right, learning multifaceted views on history so that we can move forward and live in a world where it's abundant, where we can thrive.
Speaker 1:So learning to live and to act in love Is such an important Skill, an important thing to accomplish and to focus on, from the personal development side To the community organizing and social change side, rooting your movement in love, acceptance, gratitude and humility. And I can't stress humility enough. And you know, during the civil rights movement, a lot of people were based in Christianity and religion, right, and I have a few issues with those religions, but something that I do not have an issue with is kind of the fact of being humble, of loving your neighbor. You know, these kind of concepts that bring in some form of morality, so to speak, was the foundation of the civil rights movement, right, you know, in a lot of ways, you know Martin Luther King I know you were talking about like the big names, but Martin Luther King and like Malcolm X, right, both were religious leaders, you know. First, you know, and that is what led them. It was kind of a spiritual journey and calling of inspiration and a lot of people fit within that realm.
Speaker 1:We don't have that same kind of culture in the modern world, you know, for a variety of reasons. But what we are left with is looking at what values do we want to live by, what values do we want to make change with? You know, where do we want to be rooted in? You know, some of my activist friends want to just go straight to the cause and everything's an emergency and I understand that.
Speaker 1:Housing affordable housing, I think, is an emergency. I think that is something that we need to be making change yesterday. With real affordable housing, I don't mean legal definitions of affordable housing, real affordable housing. We needed to start making changes on that yesterday, not trying to find strategies of making more money to be able to do that, but advocating for the human beings living in our community. Right, doing the brave things, doing the courageous things. Maybe not doing the smartest things, but doing the things that are going to get us out of this horrible situation that is a direct result of a dysfunctional capitalist society.
Speaker 1:Those are, I think, emergencies right. Those are, I think, emergencies right, I think Palestine sure, emergency, but you have to understand that politicians and community up there are thinking about 20 billion things at one time and what is affecting their communities right now, you know, and I think, having some empathy, but also having communication, real communication with these issues, real conversations, diving deep, playing the long game in that way. And if that doesn't work, go to the streets, but first try conversations, try to compromise, try to figure out if there's any way that there can be a connection. Because when you hit the streets and you protest that building, you protest that mayor, you protest that council member, whatever, without any kind of pretext, like, without any kind of, you know, trying to connect with them on different levels, but going straight to the battlefield, that person's on guard. They're battling you now. They're not trying to compromise you and maybe that's what you believe. You want to fight the war and win. But wars are not just fought on the battlefield, as we can see. But wars are not just fought on the battlefield, as we can see.
Speaker 1:Politics has a big part of that and that's where communication comes in Trying every other reason except sacrificing ourselves on that field to make change. I know people disagree with that view, but I think when it comes to making change with a diverse group of people, it's never easy. I know people disagree with that view, but I think when it comes to making change with a diverse group of people, it's never easy and just yelling at somebody about it is not going to change. Run for something, do something, communicate, try to have a conversation, have a public forum, constantly pressure those people to come out and talk with you. Don't try to just force it and it comes back to what is this really rooted in? You know, we have been trained to root things in power and greed because of this capitalist way.
Speaker 1:Self-interest right, that's like a broader term for just what serves ourself. In that way, I don't think self-interest is a bad thing when you're talking about it, because I think helping people is in our self-interest, I think being kind is in our self-interest, I think being humble is in our self-interest. So self-interest in itself isn't a bad thing. But when you're talking about greed, you're talking about power. You're talking about hoarding power, not understanding leadership. Like what a role a leader really is in a community. Leaders like my good business partner and good friend, julia Greenspan. Jules said leaders set the tone. They're not doing everything, but they definitely set the tone and that's why presidential elections are important, that's why local elections are important. When you have a leader and you voted on this leader, they do set the tone of what the culture or at least what the political dynamics are in that town.
Speaker 1:A good leader in a diverse society who believes in equity, who believes in inclusion, who believes in trying to belong. You'll never win everybody, but there is a way for you to feel like being a safe person, for people who may just vividly disagree with you, to be able to come up to you and actually trust that they can have a conversation with you. I feel like that sounds, on paper, small, but impact is big Because we like to be siloed. You know we like to be separate, we like having our own little groups and our little things. I think in the past five years when I really started diving deep into this work community work and, you know, being public facing one of my superpowers is building trust, but also moving from diverse communities within this community, different walks of life, different mindsets, different points of view, jumping, and it's freaking uncomfortable. You know, I gained a lot of weight within these past five years, almost as unconscious protection, because I was putting myself through so many vulnerable moments. And see, that's the work. That's hard, you know, having to figure out how to balance your health and this work, because at some level you are sacrificing a part of yourself, and maybe we shouldn't, maybe more people need to be jumping into different worlds, local communities, diverse worlds, to be able to see what truly is happening here, what, what truly, what is the truth here?
Speaker 1:I think this is a revolutionary time. I don't think. I think that we have to think differently and to think differently. We need to have spaces where things can emerge from. And spaces where things can emerge from come from love, come from trust, come from acceptance, come from being in a space where things can grow, not where things are destroyed, creating fertile grounds of conversation. Why speak for change exists, you know, so we can talk about these things, so we can move through these things, so we can figure it out. And it's selfish on my part too, because I just love having these goddamn conversations and you know, it's a beautiful thing and it takes hard work. You know it takes hard work to do this kind of work, but it could be a little bit easier if more people did it. And I do tend to repeat myself because I'm kind of just trying to affirm and repeat and keep on course like what is happening. You know what is my focus point here? And I root it back to that story of me losing that weight and not even knowing it because I had never practiced self-love. Now can you practice our whole community, every community, learning to accept the people that they may have most conflict with. They exist. Now practice learning how to appreciate and have gratitude for them. There are things that they are teaching you in this moment, that they can only teach you Just because, as my friend Sarah, sarah Cruz or aka Yaya, always talks about, like tension and attraction or disgust, even have intelligence.
Speaker 1:And what? What do I mean by intelligence is that they are showing us something. When we feel disgusted by something, it is showing us something, a reasoning behind that. There is a reason that is disgusting for us, and what is that reason? That's where the intelligence comes in. You know, when we're attracted to someone, for instance, like, or even like when we feel romantic attraction to someone, even sometimes we just go straight to sexual genitals, like going there. But really it's a whole sensation and energy that they are teaching us about ourselves.
Speaker 1:If you kind of just sit with that sensation, you'll start to understand that these energetics are teaching us something. It's intelligence. We are communal creatures and we are all connected. You know, in my view of the world, everything is connected. There is no separation, even no matter how it seems separated. We're all in this world together. We're all breathing the same air in the same universe, created by the same crazy events that created us. There is some form of connection, intelligence, and no one can tell me otherwise. It's probably the one thing I'm a little righteous about.
Speaker 1:But, all that being said, it's learning to either just tools, practices, to learn to love and have gratitude for our present moment, even when it's not our ideal moment. You know there's a lot of stuff happening politically that I'm not happy about, but I practice gratitude for even the people I disagree with, the people who are doing horrific things. What are they teaching me? And how can I use that as fertilizer to let things emerge from within me that are innovative, that are new, that can actually probably change the script. What are things within you that can change this script, that are just waiting to come out?
Speaker 1:But it just needs you to let go and have gratitude and love and respect and decency and accepting a diverse world of things that maybe you do not like, a diverse world of things that maybe you do not like. What is waiting inside of you that can come out and actually be something new, instead of us repeating the same old freaking history every day? What is something inside you that is just waiting to come out? And the only way it comes out is if you just let go. What if the answers are just in you and the only reason they're not coming out is because you're holding on to a narrative that makes the other person the enemy, that makes the other person the enemy, that makes the other person evil? What if you let go of that righteous thinking and see what comes out? Thank you so much for listening. This has been Speak for Change. I'm your host, thomas H Pedersen. Have a wonderful day.